Could I do it?

I've been reading a book called Machete Season The Killers in Rwanda Speak by Jean Hatzfeld. It is not a light read by any means, but very interesting. In preparation for my trip, I have read several books about Rwanda, focusing on history, the genocide, and life in general. I wanted to learn more about the place that God was calling me to. 

In this book Hatzfeld interviews 10 men who were killers in the genocide of 1994. These were men and boys who had lived in the same area, grown up together, or were acquaintances before the killings. It is difficult to read at times because these men speak of what happened in very plain terms, without a lot of emotion. They don't shy away from sharing details of what they did and how they did it. 

I've heard people say they could never do something like that, that people who committed these crimes must be evil and have no conscience. I'm not sure that I believe that. I believe that human beings have a huge capacity to be evil, given the right circumstances, propaganda, and leadership, almost anyone could be convinced that what they are doing is justified. For the most part, these men had "normal" lives before the genocide, but somehow still managed to participate and justify that it was "less wearisome than farming". 

In trying to explain why he did it, Pio, one of the men says,

"I admit and recognize my obedience at the time, my victims, my fault, but I fail to recognize the wickedness of the one who raced through the marshes on my legs, carrying my machete. That wickedness seemed to belong to another self with a heavy heart.....But perhaps someone outside this situation, like you, cannot have an inkling of this strangeness of mind." 

This really made me stop and think. While I can't fathom doing something such as hunting people, many of whom had been friends and acquaintances, down with a machete to kill them, I can't judge someone who has done it. I also can't fathom what it was like to be there and to hear the lies being told over and over and the words of the leaders being drummed into my head. It is as though they detached from themselves during this time in an effort to make it through. 

I'm not done reading yet, and I know it will continue to be an intriguing read. When I am in Rwanda, I will have the opportunity to see some genocide memorial sites and hear first hand accounts of people who survived. I hope that the knowledge I have gained through my reading will help me to process that day and to see the issue from both perspectives. I would love to see hope and light, to realize that even though humans have a capacity for evil, they also have a huge capacity for goodness, love, and perseverance despite the worst of circumstances.